I have always been very wary of patterns.  Patterns are either very trendy or very trashy.

The Trendy Pattern.

I naturally tend for solid colors or minimal patterning when I shop because patterns don’t usually last more than a season or two.  I’ve picked up a dress or two with a pattern and thought, what was I thinking?!

Take for instance, this year’s over the top, in your face, black + [color] flannel pattern that all the girls in skinny jeans, and all the boys in skinny jeans, are wearing.  Super cute now, but let’s wait a year…. cause in a year you’re going to wonder why you thought it was a great idea to purchase a plaid dress, tank top, jacket, and shirt (in 3 colors).

But let’s get to the meat of the matter.

The polyester patterned clubbing shirts, most often found at jcpenny’s or kohls…or my guess, Wal-mart.

You know, the ones that are made of 100% polyester and flammable within 10 feet of an open flame.  Often the girls who covet these shirts purchase them 1 size too small (so their boobs hang out) and it is just an inch too short, so their belly hangs out.  To top it off, they wear light wash denim with brown boots with a chunky heel.   Oh, and she has a bad perm and a pack-a-day smoker’s voice.  Judging.  Yes, I am.

I know what you’re thinking.  ”But stacy and clinton always talk about how a pattern helps flatter a woman’s bumps and lumps.”  Riiight.  I am thinking these patterns are less “flattering” and more “blinding” and “nausea inducing.”  And most of the time, stacy and clinton don’t put women in flammable polyester.  One would hope.

Moral of the story?  I guess, choose your patterns carefully.  This post is less fashion advice, and more venting about ugly patterns.

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